You might be skeptical of this question or have a quick answer. In the past I would have said no, it can be good for you somewhat. However, now my answer might be a little more complicated. You see, as I have mentioned in a previous post, I have undertaken the task of taking my bipolar episodes and turning them into fiction. A very personal task I would later find out. Even though it's fiction for the most part, it's still very much my story. The intense brainstorm session ended after five days of thinking up ideas. I spent 4-5 hrs a day on it, and the day I finished the outline, I spent 7 on it. I finished it rather quick with plenty of creative ideas and twists. You could say I was obsessed to some degree, and I was. It was fun and something to do. However, the day I finished it, I felt like I had just witnessed the last scene of a movie. I was thinking I better get back to reality, and get some sun. I didn't write anymore of it that day, but I brainstormed a title for awhile. Then suddenly I felt different, like I was stuck between fantasy and reality. I became paranoid that something was around me in the dark halls, I kept on turning around to look. I was afraid of the dark for an hour or two. So I prayed some, listened to some christian music, took my medicine, and went to bed. Today is a better day, I have not written anything in the story. I'm dead serious about feeling strange last night. It makes me wonder quite a bit about a lot of things. Things like how is all this possible, being so wrapped up in writing that it almost felt like reality. Like I said, most of the story is based on true events, at least how I experienced them from my perspective. I've talked to some people about this experience since it happened. One thing my mother said still haunts me. She said, "When you write about spiritual warfare, battles between angels and demons involving humans at times, the devil will come after you." It made some sense, what else could the eerie feelings and paranoia be that I experienced? I'm doing everything I can to keep my mental health incheck. The imagination of the mind can be a dangerous thing I've learned, as if what it sees in fantasy can cross over into reality. I pray my mother is wrong, and that last night was just a freak experience. Time will tell, and I'm hoping I'm wrong...
0 Comments
I woke up this morning and started my day like I always do, with coffee and my electronic cigarette. I had a few cups, and I started brainstorming and working on my outline for my new story. The creativity and ideas started to flow again. The imagination and ideas come naturally; I believe my disorder helps a lot with that. After working on it for a couple hours, I started to get a mental block. So I decided to eat a little and take a break. I left and went to my mother's house to check emails, before starting to brainstorm again. I got past the mental barrier that I was stuck at earlier. A hour later, I felt like I needed to go to sleep again. Althought I had a good nights sleep, my energy level started to plummet. I'm struggling now to keep my eyes open, and I'm having trouble concentrating.
It started about a month ago. I saw a new doctor who ordered some lab tests. Long story short, my thyroid is producing too much of certain hormones. The doctor said having a thyroid problem could mimic bipolar symptoms. I got it checked out, and it's nothing serious, or anything to worry about. However, until it goes away and the hormone levels come down to normal; I believe this "crash" will continue to happen. A thyroid problem can be caused I read, by certain medications. The point being, it can be hard to know what causes problems, in this case an energy problem. Especially when health issues and symptoms overlap one another. I went on a roadtrip this past weekend to visit my brother. It was a great time catching up with family and friends. To make a long story short, my brother and I discussed my story that I had written which is my autobiography. He suggested I turn my story and bipolar adventures into a fictional novel. The idea excited me. Upon arriving home I didn't waste much time. I went to work on it the next day brainstorming ideas and possible ways to write it. The whole idea of using my real life experiences in a fictional story thrills me. It's so much more exciting to write fiction for me, because it takes so much more imagination and creativity. This is my new project and the journey to write another story has begun.
Is there a link between bipolar disorder and creativity? I've read articles suggesting there might be. I don't have the answer necessarily, but I do have my personal experience. I wonder if the person who has bipolar was creative before going into a manic episode, or if the illness draws it out of them to be creative. I suppose you have to define what being creative means to you. I would say it is a lot more than just being good at art. Then again, art is a lot of things and takes on many forms. As for me I always liked to draw as a kid, but I don't draw much now as an adult. I don't do much drawing in a manic episode, however I do remember doing some quick sketches on hospital folders. I'm not saying making some rough sketches was art. I do however believe that the way a manic person thinks in an episode, is completely different than a person who isn't manic or bipolar. The constant flow of information and ideas keep pouring in. The way I process these ideas are completely different from others. These racing thoughts pour in so rapidly, my mouth can't keep up with what I want to say. In an episode of mania people such as myself have some unrealistic ideas. However, it's the ideas that make people creative. Our minds work so differently because of the imbalance of chemicals in our brains. I've had the idea of writing a book about my life in a manic episode, but I didn't get far due to not being able to concentrate for long. One time in my first episode, I had so many thoughts that I filled up an entire brand new college notebook...overnight! The thought process is sped up and uncontrollable without medicine. I believe our creativity can be better harnassed while stable. That way we can focus our energy without getting distracted. I've written a book about my life since becoming stable these past couple years. I think our creativity whatever it is, will be much better once we are stable and our bipolar is under control.
|
AuthorI was diagnosed bipolar 1 in March of 2005. It's been a challenge to say the least to live with this disorder everyday. There has been some major ups as well as downs. It's just something I have to deal with. Everyone has their own problems and struggles to sort out and this is just one of mine. I'm not asking for anybody to feel sorry for me. I just want to educate those who don't know much about it, and if it helps out somebody along the way even better. Archives
May 2017
Categories
All
|