In the same way, my bipolar disorder keeps me dependent on God I pray. I mean when I wake up in the morning, I never know what mood I'm going to be in. I find sometimes I'm hopelessly depressed and anxious, and sometimes I feel great. However, I can face the day no matter and take comfort in God knowing that He is my rock, my fortress, my deliverer, my strength, my God in whom I will trust.(Psalm 18:2) My satisfaction isn't in myself, what I do for a living, or how I feel. My satisfaction and contentment is found only in Christ. Knowing this puts my bipolar in perspective as I trust him more, and believe that all things are working together for my good and for a purpose.
What is my bipolar disorder achieving in and through me? Was there a purpose in mind when God allowed me to get sick and be diagnosed as mentally ill? If you would have asked me in the beginning I would have said, it's achieving nothing. Again the thorn in my flesh analogy is from the Bible, where the apostle Paul is being tormented by what he refers to as a "thorn in his flesh." It makes him weak in ways and he prays to God to remove it, yet he doesn't. There's a purpose for the thorn in Paul's flesh, as there is a purpose for my bipolar I believe. Paul sees the thorn as weakness, and later writes that he will boast about his weaknesses, because it is through them that Christ makes us strong! The thorn in Paul's flesh caused him to depend more on Christ, and probably kept him from getting too puffed up.
In the same way, my bipolar disorder keeps me dependent on God I pray. I mean when I wake up in the morning, I never know what mood I'm going to be in. I find sometimes I'm hopelessly depressed and anxious, and sometimes I feel great. However, I can face the day no matter and take comfort in God knowing that He is my rock, my fortress, my deliverer, my strength, my God in whom I will trust.(Psalm 18:2) My satisfaction isn't in myself, what I do for a living, or how I feel. My satisfaction and contentment is found only in Christ. Knowing this puts my bipolar in perspective as I trust him more, and believe that all things are working together for my good and for a purpose.
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I'll say it upfront, I hate winter. It's cold, it gets dark earlier, and at times the streets ice over making it more difficult to get around. Of course, it's nothing new, but I have noticed that the winter months are usually tougher on me than the summer months. Sure everyone is different and has there preferences, but it's almost if not a fact that people in general become depressed more often in the winter months. The lack of sunlight makes me depressed, and forces me inside for a better part of the day. I'm not here to complain really, but to address the point that people especially those with bipolar are prone more to depression in winter. Ever hear of seasonal affective diorder? Some people sit by bright lamps to combat the lack of light, and to keep depression away. Every one of my manic episodes had taken place between December and March, there's an explaination for that. I just have to be on guard more so in these months. Thank God for the holidays right? Staying busy somewhat is good, but exercise is even better. I've read that all exercise is beneficial for all people, and that some is better than none. The human body is meant to move, so move it and you'll see your depression start to decrease and your energy will increase. There's not much we can do about the winter months, but you can take steps to get healthy and at the same time keep the depression at bay.
The last month for me has been insane, so many things have been going on. As if the holidays aren't busy and crazy enough, my symptoms have been acting up. My thyroid was supposedly suppose to correct itself, but no it became worse. My thyroid levels went from suppressed to the opposite end of the sprectrum, extremely elevated. How could this even be? I'm thankful one of my doctors caught on to it and had an eye on me. It's good news to me that I'm being treated for my thyroid gland now with medication. I feel so much better already in just the last couple weeks. Prior to getting on the new med, I was having many bipolar symptoms that which the thyroid mimicked. I truly believe I went into psychosis one night while writing about my past, which was just the beginning. I looked into psychiatric symptoms of bipolar individuals of who also have a thyroid problem one evening. Keep in mind that I have been stable, yet I had every symptom on the list. This concerned me as well as my doctor. We finally pinpointed the cause of my symptoms, I pray. Who can say how long this problem of mine has been going on? I'm glad we caught it now though, because one night I felt manic and was thinking of checking myself into the hospital. Thank God it never happened. I'm enjoying life more now, which is a blessing. I look foward to Christmas and being with friends and family, knowing that I'm healthy and being "tuned up." I believe this new year will be a great one, no matter what may be in store. I'm hoping for great things.
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AuthorI was diagnosed bipolar 1 in March of 2005. It's been a challenge to say the least to live with this disorder everyday. There has been some major ups as well as downs. It's just something I have to deal with. Everyone has their own problems and struggles to sort out and this is just one of mine. I'm not asking for anybody to feel sorry for me. I just want to educate those who don't know much about it, and if it helps out somebody along the way even better. Archives
May 2017
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