In the same way, my bipolar disorder keeps me dependent on God I pray. I mean when I wake up in the morning, I never know what mood I'm going to be in. I find sometimes I'm hopelessly depressed and anxious, and sometimes I feel great. However, I can face the day no matter and take comfort in God knowing that He is my rock, my fortress, my deliverer, my strength, my God in whom I will trust.(Psalm 18:2) My satisfaction isn't in myself, what I do for a living, or how I feel. My satisfaction and contentment is found only in Christ. Knowing this puts my bipolar in perspective as I trust him more, and believe that all things are working together for my good and for a purpose.
What is my bipolar disorder achieving in and through me? Was there a purpose in mind when God allowed me to get sick and be diagnosed as mentally ill? If you would have asked me in the beginning I would have said, it's achieving nothing. Again the thorn in my flesh analogy is from the Bible, where the apostle Paul is being tormented by what he refers to as a "thorn in his flesh." It makes him weak in ways and he prays to God to remove it, yet he doesn't. There's a purpose for the thorn in Paul's flesh, as there is a purpose for my bipolar I believe. Paul sees the thorn as weakness, and later writes that he will boast about his weaknesses, because it is through them that Christ makes us strong! The thorn in Paul's flesh caused him to depend more on Christ, and probably kept him from getting too puffed up.
In the same way, my bipolar disorder keeps me dependent on God I pray. I mean when I wake up in the morning, I never know what mood I'm going to be in. I find sometimes I'm hopelessly depressed and anxious, and sometimes I feel great. However, I can face the day no matter and take comfort in God knowing that He is my rock, my fortress, my deliverer, my strength, my God in whom I will trust.(Psalm 18:2) My satisfaction isn't in myself, what I do for a living, or how I feel. My satisfaction and contentment is found only in Christ. Knowing this puts my bipolar in perspective as I trust him more, and believe that all things are working together for my good and for a purpose.
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I believe there is a difference between being stable and recovering. I've been challenged as I continue to learn more about bipolar disorder everyday. There is so much information available to us these days, and it is impossible to know it all. However, I strive to learn more and grow. I've been stable for two and a half years now, but I've had a lot of problems. I do prize being stable, but I don't believe it is recovery. I'm learning through bipolar workbooks and certain others that there's more to getting well than just being stable. I want to have my illness under control and I believe this is possible if I get the right help. Yes, there's a difference between having a mental illness that drives you, and having a mental illness that you control. Of course medication is the first step to managing a mental illness, but why then have I had so many symptoms in between my episodes? Why has work been so hard and nearly impossible for me to keep? I don't think I've been given the proper tools to cope with certain situations, and as a result I'm going in circles. I'm not learning from my mistakes because my illness is triggered with various symptoms, and so far I have not been able to react properly. I believe as I continue to learn about different kinds of therapy and develop the right coping skills, this illness will fall under my control. I pray that when I do return to work these problems that will appear, will no longer be as big. I hope I can laugh someday at these problems and I learn to cope with them. We all hear that there's successful, productive people with this illness; I plan to recover fully and be one of them. Bipolar disorder is part of me, but I won't let it define me and be me. I'm gonna own this illness.
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AuthorI was diagnosed bipolar 1 in March of 2005. It's been a challenge to say the least to live with this disorder everyday. There has been some major ups as well as downs. It's just something I have to deal with. Everyone has their own problems and struggles to sort out and this is just one of mine. I'm not asking for anybody to feel sorry for me. I just want to educate those who don't know much about it, and if it helps out somebody along the way even better. Archives
May 2017
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