I'll say it upfront, I hate winter. It's cold, it gets dark earlier, and at times the streets ice over making it more difficult to get around. Of course, it's nothing new, but I have noticed that the winter months are usually tougher on me than the summer months. Sure everyone is different and has there preferences, but it's almost if not a fact that people in general become depressed more often in the winter months. The lack of sunlight makes me depressed, and forces me inside for a better part of the day. I'm not here to complain really, but to address the point that people especially those with bipolar are prone more to depression in winter. Ever hear of seasonal affective diorder? Some people sit by bright lamps to combat the lack of light, and to keep depression away. Every one of my manic episodes had taken place between December and March, there's an explaination for that. I just have to be on guard more so in these months. Thank God for the holidays right? Staying busy somewhat is good, but exercise is even better. I've read that all exercise is beneficial for all people, and that some is better than none. The human body is meant to move, so move it and you'll see your depression start to decrease and your energy will increase. There's not much we can do about the winter months, but you can take steps to get healthy and at the same time keep the depression at bay.
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The last month for me has been insane, so many things have been going on. As if the holidays aren't busy and crazy enough, my symptoms have been acting up. My thyroid was supposedly suppose to correct itself, but no it became worse. My thyroid levels went from suppressed to the opposite end of the sprectrum, extremely elevated. How could this even be? I'm thankful one of my doctors caught on to it and had an eye on me. It's good news to me that I'm being treated for my thyroid gland now with medication. I feel so much better already in just the last couple weeks. Prior to getting on the new med, I was having many bipolar symptoms that which the thyroid mimicked. I truly believe I went into psychosis one night while writing about my past, which was just the beginning. I looked into psychiatric symptoms of bipolar individuals of who also have a thyroid problem one evening. Keep in mind that I have been stable, yet I had every symptom on the list. This concerned me as well as my doctor. We finally pinpointed the cause of my symptoms, I pray. Who can say how long this problem of mine has been going on? I'm glad we caught it now though, because one night I felt manic and was thinking of checking myself into the hospital. Thank God it never happened. I'm enjoying life more now, which is a blessing. I look foward to Christmas and being with friends and family, knowing that I'm healthy and being "tuned up." I believe this new year will be a great one, no matter what may be in store. I'm hoping for great things.
Impulsiveness and indecision haunt me. They are also hallmark traits of having bipolar disorder. I get ideas in my head which feel and become so strong, I feel I have no choice but to act on them. Sometimes the choices I make have devastating consequences. Sometimes I'm the only one affected, and other times it affects multiple people. I usually don't even know what to do, and I get overwhelmed by all the possible choices and scenarios. However, an impulse in my opinion, is a thought or feeling that becomes so unbearably strong and intense that I feel forced to act quickly at times. I don't always see the big picture unfortunately. It's a major problem at times and I know I must find away to stop it. I don't like it, but I haven't ever been told how to deal with it. Most people don't understand what I do, neither do I. I don't know why people like me struggle with these negative traits. The only explaination that makes sense, is that my chemical imbalance in my brain is the source of it. Sure I'm stable so I think because of the meds, however I'm not all better because of it. Like I said before there's no cure for mental illness, I've heard it's treatable which is true. I'll always be in recovery though, and have to watch my health and what I do more closely than "normal" people. Like the saying goes,"You don't have anything if you don't have your health." Maybe my impulsiveness isn't all bad, afterall sometimes it's good to be able to make a swift decision. The only thing I can do now is take care of myself, stop looking back, learn from my mistakes, focus on my future, and truly believe that God is working all things to my good because I love him.(Romans 8:28)
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AuthorI was diagnosed bipolar 1 in March of 2005. It's been a challenge to say the least to live with this disorder everyday. There has been some major ups as well as downs. It's just something I have to deal with. Everyone has their own problems and struggles to sort out and this is just one of mine. I'm not asking for anybody to feel sorry for me. I just want to educate those who don't know much about it, and if it helps out somebody along the way even better. Archives
May 2017
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