What it is about people having religious delusions of epic porportions and ranting about spiritual matters that is so appealing? Well, it's appealing to me because I've had them and I'm fascinated by them. Granted I am a Christian and believe all of what the Bible says, some experience similar experiences who don't believe in God. Nonetheless, what happens to me in mania to some degree would almost seem supernatural. It's as if the spiritual gifts inside of me manifest to their full potential, and I become the person at least spiritual I was destined to me. I don't stop or shut up about Christ, he's coming back soon I tell everyone, I pray deeper prayers, have dreams and do things that I cannot comprehend or normally experience. It's my job to, "Wake up the world." I'm on a divine mission my sick mind tells me. It's really no different than my regular mission as a believer in Christ. The Great Commission, to make disciples of all nations as Jesus says in the Bible. However, I'm pretty tame and disconnected from that mission in my opinion when I'm stable, at least compared to my manic mind. I can't understand why so many people have these religious experiences in mania, but I can't help to speculate my opinion of why. Maybe it's to get shit done for the Kingdom of Heaven, because if you've ever encountered a manic individual you know they are aggressive in nature! Of course this isn't always good, but maybe it is a good way to spread the Word for a short amount of time anyway. It's interesting that no one knows what causes mental illness. It could be a variety of different reasons that we'll never know. One things for certain...God works in mysterious ways and who can say for certain how He works? We don't know, but it is definitely interesting for sure.
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Is it really possible to be content in this life living day to day with bipolar disorder? That's a question with varying responses, but I believe that it can be. Jesus himself said, " In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world!" Granted some of us seem to have more trouble getting through life than others, and Christ's statement may be of little or no worth to you. However, to myself this statement means we should expect resistance in this life, it's not a cake walk! I also take comfort in the above quote, because He tells me to look at the brightside of things. Based on my belief in the Christian faith, I have Christ's spirit within me and I don't have to do this bipolar thing alone!
No, I'm not saying because I believe in Jesus that my life is all peachy and good. Somedays I find myself questioning my faith and all that I believe. I'm not one of those guys saying that if you come to Christ your life will be easy, and you'll never feel bad again. We all know better that living with bipolar disorder is not easy or peachy. However, without a doubt I know that with Christ my life is ultimately better and counting towards something besides myself. This post isn't meant to be super spiritual, so I'll move on. I know that having bipolar myself and other health issues has made it extremely difficult to be content at times. It's so hard to be content when you never know how you will feel at any particular time, or how your brain is going to work or not work upon awakening. Does the weather affect your mood, it does me. In my case with a thyroid problem as well, life has become even harder to predict and reality becomes warped at times. I have tons of time to think, I try to resolve problems, or really questions that I have concerning my future life. My questions are usually about the same thing, what will I do when I grow up? I can't make up my mind or commit to a decision so it seems. One day something sounds good, but then later it doesn't. Nothing really "clicks" in my head like I think it might someday. My thoughts are speeding up and my focus is getting too much on myself. And you know what? That's what usually leads to my discontentment. It's easy to do when you spend more time by yourself than with others. It's a given thoughts and moods change and sometimes it's easy to care about nothing, but I really believe contentment happens when we get our minds off ourselves and do something to help others. Easier said than done, but do it. I'm working on "filtering" my thoughts and keeping the negative ones away. This I believe will make me more content as I focus on Christ, and believe that this day I can be happy and content. |
AuthorI was diagnosed bipolar 1 in March of 2005. It's been a challenge to say the least to live with this disorder everyday. There has been some major ups as well as downs. It's just something I have to deal with. Everyone has their own problems and struggles to sort out and this is just one of mine. I'm not asking for anybody to feel sorry for me. I just want to educate those who don't know much about it, and if it helps out somebody along the way even better. Archives
May 2017
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