Impulsiveness and indecision haunt me. They are also hallmark traits of having bipolar disorder. I get ideas in my head which feel and become so strong, I feel I have no choice but to act on them. Sometimes the choices I make have devastating consequences. Sometimes I'm the only one affected, and other times it affects multiple people. I usually don't even know what to do, and I get overwhelmed by all the possible choices and scenarios. However, an impulse in my opinion, is a thought or feeling that becomes so unbearably strong and intense that I feel forced to act quickly at times. I don't always see the big picture unfortunately. It's a major problem at times and I know I must find away to stop it. I don't like it, but I haven't ever been told how to deal with it. Most people don't understand what I do, neither do I. I don't know why people like me struggle with these negative traits. The only explaination that makes sense, is that my chemical imbalance in my brain is the source of it. Sure I'm stable so I think because of the meds, however I'm not all better because of it. Like I said before there's no cure for mental illness, I've heard it's treatable which is true. I'll always be in recovery though, and have to watch my health and what I do more closely than "normal" people. Like the saying goes,"You don't have anything if you don't have your health." Maybe my impulsiveness isn't all bad, afterall sometimes it's good to be able to make a swift decision. The only thing I can do now is take care of myself, stop looking back, learn from my mistakes, focus on my future, and truly believe that God is working all things to my good because I love him.(Romans 8:28)
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AuthorI was diagnosed bipolar 1 in March of 2005. It's been a challenge to say the least to live with this disorder everyday. There has been some major ups as well as downs. It's just something I have to deal with. Everyone has their own problems and struggles to sort out and this is just one of mine. I'm not asking for anybody to feel sorry for me. I just want to educate those who don't know much about it, and if it helps out somebody along the way even better. Archives
May 2017
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