You might be skeptical of this question or have a quick answer. In the past I would have said no, it can be good for you somewhat. However, now my answer might be a little more complicated. You see, as I have mentioned in a previous post, I have undertaken the task of taking my bipolar episodes and turning them into fiction. A very personal task I would later find out. Even though it's fiction for the most part, it's still very much my story. The intense brainstorm session ended after five days of thinking up ideas. I spent 4-5 hrs a day on it, and the day I finished the outline, I spent 7 on it. I finished it rather quick with plenty of creative ideas and twists. You could say I was obsessed to some degree, and I was. It was fun and something to do. However, the day I finished it, I felt like I had just witnessed the last scene of a movie. I was thinking I better get back to reality, and get some sun. I didn't write anymore of it that day, but I brainstormed a title for awhile. Then suddenly I felt different, like I was stuck between fantasy and reality. I became paranoid that something was around me in the dark halls, I kept on turning around to look. I was afraid of the dark for an hour or two. So I prayed some, listened to some christian music, took my medicine, and went to bed. Today is a better day, I have not written anything in the story. I'm dead serious about feeling strange last night. It makes me wonder quite a bit about a lot of things. Things like how is all this possible, being so wrapped up in writing that it almost felt like reality. Like I said, most of the story is based on true events, at least how I experienced them from my perspective. I've talked to some people about this experience since it happened. One thing my mother said still haunts me. She said, "When you write about spiritual warfare, battles between angels and demons involving humans at times, the devil will come after you." It made some sense, what else could the eerie feelings and paranoia be that I experienced? I'm doing everything I can to keep my mental health incheck. The imagination of the mind can be a dangerous thing I've learned, as if what it sees in fantasy can cross over into reality. I pray my mother is wrong, and that last night was just a freak experience. Time will tell, and I'm hoping I'm wrong...
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AuthorI was diagnosed bipolar 1 in March of 2005. It's been a challenge to say the least to live with this disorder everyday. There has been some major ups as well as downs. It's just something I have to deal with. Everyone has their own problems and struggles to sort out and this is just one of mine. I'm not asking for anybody to feel sorry for me. I just want to educate those who don't know much about it, and if it helps out somebody along the way even better. Archives
May 2017
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