At one point in my life before I experienced a manic episode, I actually wanted to be a pastor. This was years ago. Shortly after finding this out about myself, I went manic and ended up in the hospital ranting off Bible verses to everyone. I remembered and realized this the other day. However I forgot about wanting to become a pastor after my episode ended, and I went into a depression. I continued on with my life for another 5 years before experiencing another manic meltdown. My faith again amplified and went from ordinary to extraordinary. I become obsessed with God to the point that my faith in Him consumed me entirely. I can't explain it and no one else can either. It's as if I go into a new level of faith and all doubt goes out the window. I see things so clear, and it all makes sense finally. I become enraged at anything evil. I sense the demons in the basement or wherever they are hiding, so I think. Just a minute ago I heard a song from my friends cd, there's a verse that says if Satan runs up he will get his chest blown. It took me back and made me feel close to what I was feeling in my manic episode. Pure anger against the devil. In my manic episode I wanted to put him six feet in the ground with all his demons. I was totally losing it in the basement of where I lived at the time. Listening to P.O.D. and hitting the wall thinking I was banishing demons in the name of Christ. There was evil all around me, or maybe it was all in my head. Bipolar can screw with your head for sure and intensify emotions and the person's reality. Scary shit for sure. One thing I remember tonight though listening to that cd, is I have the victory in Christ and if Satan does run up he's gonna get his chest blown.
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AuthorI was diagnosed bipolar 1 in March of 2005. It's been a challenge to say the least to live with this disorder everyday. There has been some major ups as well as downs. It's just something I have to deal with. Everyone has their own problems and struggles to sort out and this is just one of mine. I'm not asking for anybody to feel sorry for me. I just want to educate those who don't know much about it, and if it helps out somebody along the way even better. Archives
May 2017
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