If you haven't read my last blog entry go read it, this is part two of it. I stopped writing about my latest story for a few days. I started writing about other things I thought about, things that were less personal to me. I wanted to get away from my story for awhile, mainly because I was afraid of it. Afraid that what happened that Sunday night would happen again, so I took a brief break. I spoke with several people about my frightful experience, and got varying responses. I can't say for sure what it was, not that I'm really all that concerned with figuring it out anymore. Some things in life are so mysterious and they're not meant to be discovered I've learned. Some things are best left alone, not that we need to fear them. What I do know is that a sudden emotion of fear swept over me, and I was afraid. Anybody would be. It didn't seem logical, but it was definitely real. It could have been that writing about my own traumatic experiences, gave me a "flashback" and took me back into my past. Even though I'm writing about a made up character, most of my experiences have been included in my new writing adventure. I call it an adventure because it is. Writing can take you places, in your mind. Writing to me, could almost be a time warp, or dare I say a time machine. It's one thing to write non-fiction, which is true and facts are simply stated. I wrote down my own story with no problems. However, when I began to brainstorm an outline for my fictional story, something was definitely different. It was fun! I could be as creative as I wanted with it, blending my experiences with what I consider fantasy. I could see the scenes coming to life as I wrote them, in my mind's eye you could say. When I finished the outline, it was as if I just walked out of a movie, because I could see each scene coming together. You may not get this, but if you have ever written fiction you know what I'm talking about. So in a way I relived my traumatic episodes, and added to them as well. Some said it could've been spiritual attack, or simply I scared myself with my own writing. Whatever the case it hasn't happened again and I have resumed writing. If it happens again I may consider it in further detail. For now though, no, I don't think writing is dangerous in itself. I think the things that are dangerous, are the things inside of us, things and memories we haven't dealt with and have buried deep down inside. We're all on a journey, we don't ever stop growing and maturing. We all are still learning about ourselves and who we really are. We all are "works in progress", and that's ok.
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AuthorI was diagnosed bipolar 1 in March of 2005. It's been a challenge to say the least to live with this disorder everyday. There has been some major ups as well as downs. It's just something I have to deal with. Everyone has their own problems and struggles to sort out and this is just one of mine. I'm not asking for anybody to feel sorry for me. I just want to educate those who don't know much about it, and if it helps out somebody along the way even better. Archives
May 2017
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