This disease called bipolar is so confusing. I felt like I was doing just fine 3 weeks ago before my medicine was adjusted. All we decided to do is add a little to my current dose. I noticed a difference two days later on my way to church. I felt drowsy and I wanted to go back to bed after a good nights sleep. I went anyway but felt like turning around the whole way there. That was just the tip of the iceberg. My motivation also went out the door to do much of anything as well. This continued on for about two weeks then I started feeling good for a few days. Yesterday was just plain shitty, nothing good happened yesterday. Depression set in again, I became unmotivated again, confusion set in with all the deep thinking that I was doing. I did feel better last night after talking to a good friend and hanging out for awhile though. Guess what? I feel good today. I haven't done much though. The thought of doing the dishes today, or cleaning up my piles of books that seem to accumulate is too much. Bipolar people tend to procrastinate to the last minute. I've also been agitated and irritable as of late. What really gets me is, people think once your on your meds a bipolar person is going to have a good life with no problems. They think just because you're throwing a pill down the "hatch", you're fine. I wish it was true, but it's not. We suffer problems still even if were stable. Bipolar people have: depression, anxiety, impulsive behaviors, obsessive thoughts, anger for no reason, being irritable, low motivation, low energy, and more. Damn you bipolar. I hope there's a pill that will actually cure us completely someday, and not just a ton of pills that "mask" the symptoms. It could be a lot worse though, maybe. Don't get me wrong though, I'm glad there are medicines and support available today. " Back in the day" they didn't understand it as well and you were in a lot more trouble if you had a mental illness. What's really confusing sometimes is that I wonder if my smptoms are bipolar, or if they are normal and everyone else has them too. For example I wonder if me not feeling motivated to pick up my pile of books is lazyness, or it's the chemical imbalance in my brain shuting off my ability to function. I can't "blame it all on my bipolar", but a lot of it I will. We aren't fixed with medicine, we're treated. They illness is still real and it's with us everyday.
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AuthorI was diagnosed bipolar 1 in March of 2005. It's been a challenge to say the least to live with this disorder everyday. There has been some major ups as well as downs. It's just something I have to deal with. Everyone has their own problems and struggles to sort out and this is just one of mine. I'm not asking for anybody to feel sorry for me. I just want to educate those who don't know much about it, and if it helps out somebody along the way even better. Archives
May 2017
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